


Halloween Crack

by Supergoddad



Category: A Nightmare on Elm Street - All Media Types, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Hellsing, World of Warcraft
Genre: Distraction because of writers block, Gen, Hades is bored out of his mind, Hellsing Ultimate OVA is awesome IMO, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I checked this crossover has never been written before haha, I have only read about WoW and Nightmare, Somehow I wrote some disturbing shit without being disturbed, characters may be ooc, crack!fic, i don't even like halloween, no beta we die like sylvanas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:14:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27316849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supergoddad/pseuds/Supergoddad
Summary: "Idly, Hades wondered how incredibly fortunate he was to be alone for some time, as his wife would have strong words with him, had she been present. With only boredom as his enemy, this was the perhaps one of the mildest results."
Relationships: Hades/Persephone (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore) (mentioned)





	Halloween Crack

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, while I’m struggling with another fic that should be done within a few weeks, I decided to write this to clear my mind of distractions. And amuse myself of course. So I took a film character, a game character, an anime/manga character and a mythological character and I don’t know where that gets me.
> 
> This is clearly absurd and should not be treated seriously.  
> By the way, I am not a Halloween enthusiast nor have I seen any of the Nightmare on Elm Street films or played World of Warcraft. I don’t own any of the characters or franchises, bla bla, but some of the characters may be a little OOC.

Out of nothing, three figures were thrown down onto the ground. High on his throne made of ground bone and grisly bloodstains, Hades peered down on his amusement for the next few centuries. He was the damn god of the dead, he could whatever the hell he wanted, so these minor creatures would serve as his entertainment as he planned for the coming wars that would turn the earth into a ripe ground for decay.

“I am Hades and this is my realm, Tartaros, the Underworld, however you may call it. From different minds have you sprouted as agents of destruction, murder and vengeance, so I thought it amusing to put to the test who the strongest of you is. Each of you has your weaknesses and your strengths, so I will measure the average of your spirit, physical power and strength of will. That will compensate for your emotional connections, Sylvanas. And your laughable lack of power in the real world, Freddy. Lastly Major, I mostly measured the average for you and your impeccably bad aim.”

That speech made him chuckle, especially seeing the hate and doubt written across their faces.

The metaphorical dust was slowly shaking off his new subjects, revealing their dark and rotten appearance. An undead she-elf with a tendency for screaming, a spirit of a man, uglier than the prey of Cerberus, with a glove with knifes and a fat cyborg who rants about glorious wars.

Hades sighed, he should have asked some help from his wife, she’d chosen more compelling and besides the elf, a hell of a lot more attractive beings. Oh well, he’d make do and these creatures would suffer whilst completing ridiculous tasks.

“You shall not speak nor make any movement at all, only obey my instructions. First of all, I have sore eyes from the hot atmosphere when I watch humans suffer. Bring me an appropriately decorated lamp,” Hades ordered while glaring condescendingly at his subjects.

The three damned beings trudged out of Hades’ sight and immediately started arguing with the other. “We should rebel against his outrageous request, he has no power over us here,” whispered Sylvanas with her echoing voice. “I don’t know, he might have another lamp that fits with my sweater,” Freddy retorted with a grin, “or something brown, for this spirited atmosphere.”

The Major had been muttering about war and its bloody strikes and somehow fitted the order right in; “Nothing matters about the outcome of this war, though I like the winning bit as much as the losing. The lamp shall be the epitome of my strength, malice and ambition. If I can make war upon the British, I can certainly make war with these two abominations. Oh, such glory can be obtained by this soulful request of pain, suffering and destruction. Do you, elf-bitch, or you, walking scrotum man, know where to find a lamp in this pool of delicious suffering?”

Sylvanas had knocked an arrow and hit the Major right in the eye for his insufferable babbling and Freddy, annoyingly joyful, had no choice but to slash the bastard’s throat.

Cue Hades and his dark bemusing disposition, though all knew he was not bewildered at all, spoiled their action by explaining how they were instantaneously revived, so they – mainly Sylvanas and Freddy – would gain nothing by killing the Major.

“Also, find something interesting to present to my loyal dog Cerberus, but no pomegranates, that just makes him too energetic for me. As if he’s eating his own master and that makes him laugh.”

At that, Sylvanas scoffed in disbelief. “You have no inclination of actually making us do something useful, do you?” She sneered sarcastically. “And this fucking loose wire needs a desperate reconstruction into something that doesn’t fucking speak!”

“Amen to that,” were Freddy’s two cents when the jar was already overflowing. “I was never the brightest, but that motherfucker shouldn’t have learnt how to speak. Or I could exploit his fear of losing...” Freddy flickered out of reality when voicing his threat.

“Whatever you say, the Major won’t piss himself, he cannot any more. Now, get to finding the lamp or you may pick your place to serve me as an after-death treat,” Hades threatened so his entertainment would resume entertaining him. As long as he had the last laugh, Kronos desecrate him, in Tartaros he had the last laugh, he’d tolerate their shit.

\--Halloween--Crack--

Several hours, days or weeks later, the three beings returned with a hideous lamp filled with suspicious-looking oil and a match to light it. They had dodged pools of melting stone and geysers of venomous quality, resurrection proved very painful after the first tries.

Sylvanas had slithered around the dead and stolen some of their rags to procure a ball of sorts, so that the three-headed dog had something other to play with that rocks and limbs. With a longing sigh, she presented her ball of, something that looked like cotton, and told Hades it would be good for Cerberus’ training.

Freddy had had a much better plan than making a ball, he’d cut off several limbs of the dead, but arranged and carved them in an artistic way that made the Last Meal look like a beggars banquet. He had the nerve to look proud of his desecrating actions, but as funny as it was disturbing, Hades couldn’t be bothered by it.

Idly, Hades wondered how incredibly fortunate he was to be alone for some time, as his wife would have strong words with him, had she been present. With only boredom as his enemy, this was the perhaps one of the mildest results.

The fucking Major, had gathered a workforce of former SS soldiers and had built an intricate cage where Cerberus had to be extraordinarily careful not to lose fur or worse, paws, to enter and exit the cage. Did the god think mildest result? Well, that was out of the metaphorical window now, seeing this crap set in front of him.

Thinking back on his younger years while looking like he was contemplating his reaction to this display of (dis)obedience, he mused he would still be worse off on a holiday with his brothers and their wives. There was always drama, but the other Olympian gods didn’t get the concept of highly insane and extremely funny.

“Alright, the winner of this round is…

Dear subjects, you should clap your hands on your thighs to signal increasing suspension.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was a little short, but fun enough I suppose.  
> Let me know what you think if you like and enjoy Halloween!


End file.
